the old cemetery

The thunder growled as me and Mack, walked into the cemetery. “Jon what are we doing?”,said Mack. “We are going to try to find zombies”I said. we walked further into the cemetery. I heard sum-thing in the bushes i went to look nothing. “false alarm Mack” i said. he did not reply,Mack still nothing i trend around Mack was gone. i started to run back on the way i parsed a tree the branches were tangled in a not, no levees the bark was as black as Cole. I continued, out i went never to see Mack my friend again.

1 thought on “the old cemetery

What a fabulously spooky story! Josh, I love the way you have skilfully integrated many writing techniques in your text: I have spotted personification, foreshadowing and suspense. You have also created interesting sentences using a variety of DAWAVERS. An excellent effort.

My wish here is for you to keep on working hard on your punctuation. You did quite a good job on punctuating the dialogue, even if it is not quite perfect yet. In general, punctuation can add a lot of quality to your story by making it more dramatic for the reader when they read it. An example of one of your sentences that I altered by adding more punctuation:

“On the way I passed a tree: the branches were tangled in a knot, no leaves, the bark was as black as coal.”

Each of these little commas shows a slight pause should be made, which increases the drama.

Keep up the great work!

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